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uuuup until a few months ago, I had always drifted through life constantly sacrificing the present moment in preparation for the next. I kept myself in a perpetual haze, a cushion that enabled me to avoid conflict or unpleasantness at whatever cost. I did all I could to make sure that the much anticipated next moment was at least tolerable.
How illogical of me to think that some hypothetical conflict could be any worse than my fear of it. This incredible waste of energy was barely successful at keeping me just above negative. I wasn't sad. I wasn't happy.
I was complacent.
I always thought I would be happy one day. But not Today. Never Now. I kept my focus on some future unforeseeable point, all the while clouding my awareness of the present.
Then a sudden, slight tweak in my perspective caused me to realize that happiness wasn't in some unattainable detached reality. It was within ME. I was finally able to understand that it's about being comfortable with the moment. Trusting spontaneity. Taking control of my experience.
It was about BEING. It was about NOW. It was about HERE. |